Day 262: 12/18/2018
I have come to point where I can proudly say “I quit.”
For the past three days I have fought so hard with my own thoughts, feelings, weaknesses and physical pain. Given that I have devoted my time and effort to come and “give it a shot” out of my comfort zone on a ski trip like this one, I have tried all the possible ways I could think of to make it work. From strategically tricking myself and keeping saying “I got this” and “I can do it” every time I stepped on the snowboard to giving myself some time to take it slow and to take time off on the field throughout the days, I eventually had to call it quit.
It was a real battle between my two inner selves. Every single time my own inner self told me that I had tried my best and it was perfectly fine to quit, the other self pushed me even harder to give another shot. In my head, the only thing that remained constant was the thought that I will keep trying until the end of the trip.
I had no clue how much pressure I have been under and struggled with for the past few days. The stress level perhaps had gradually increased inside without me knowing its presence. I had cried so many tears and several times I fell and failed until the point I called it quit.
The feeling was like I was let go and free again. There were no harsh feelings of this surrender because I wholeheartedly know that I had tried my very best way beyond my comfort zone. Thus, I had absolutely no regrets in this decision.
I am relieved the decision was made and I am ready to move on.
12/18/2018 9.50 pm.
Edited 12/19/2018 11.06 pm.
